Eighteen Hands

Meh

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 04:00:49 GMT

I'm Alive !!!

Alive!

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:10:59 GMT

Thought I'd better let all my fans out there know that rumors of my demise have been slightly exaggerated.

Wheatgrass

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 13:28:32 GMT

Wheatgrass tastes like Ass.

How much is your blog worth?

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 14:02:51 GMT

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

289

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 20:37:03 GMT

Man, it is a great feeling to know I finally have the upper hand on my 15 year battle against the bulge.
Today I weigh 289 elbees, and I know that 2 years from now I will be down around my ideal weight.

What has worked for me is to simply skip dinner. I absolutely refuse to eat anything after 2pm, unless I am stuck in some social event, then I will just nibble on a salad.

It's that simple, and it works for me.

Jennifer Nettles

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 02:11:40 GMT

I have a little treat for you.

This gal is the real deal:

http://www.jennifernettles.com/diary.cfm
click above

298.6

Fri, 20 May 2005 10:30:02 GMT

298.6

THE ART OF THE DOUBLE-ENTENDRE

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 15:18:00 GMT

I love double-entendre.

Here is the best one I have heard recently:

After pursuing a career in open-wheel racing, Sarah Fisher has switched to stock cars.

"It's been in my head a long time," Fisher said, "I just didn't have the balls to do anything about it."

for those of you who are not auto racing fans, the clear implication here is that the only reason she hasn't been allowed to drive stock cars up until now is because she is a woman.
here is the link to the original article where I first saw the quote:

http://www.nascar.com/2005/news/headlines/cup/01/28/sfisher/index.html

SLEEP MORE TO LOSE WEIGHT

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 02:09:00 GMT

I ran across this article in late December and made it my New Year's Resolution.

It seems to be working.

The article outlines a study done in Britain that found that getting less than 8 hours of sleep
contributes to obesity. I think there is merit in it.

Here is the link to the article:

http://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2004/582

It is the only change I have made in my routine, and I have already dropped a couple of pounds.

I will keep you updated.

Underwear Goes Inside the Pants.

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 02:29:56 GMT

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. Do you know what's not natural? 80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural. But we got pills for that. We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect, but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now. Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad. I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases. Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?" Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it. Half the time I don't even know what the commercial isâ€¦ people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean. I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that? That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools nowâ€¦ It is all about self-esteem in the schools now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs? What's going to happen to our porno industry? These women don't just grown on trees. It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks. And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time. You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east. Terrorists masterminds. Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think? They're not masterminds. "OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?" "Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I justâ€¦" "Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time. Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic. An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day. The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004. "How'd you get through it grandpa?" "Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle. I'll sit at a drive thru. I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter. Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large. You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it! Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft? Of course not. You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think, "You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world, but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago. There are homeless people everywhere. This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on. Why am I judging this poor bastard. People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it. Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit? Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless. I walked behind this guy the other day. A homeless guy asked him for money. He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum. People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy. This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants. Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date. I'm predicting some problems during the interview process. I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy. Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.

- Lazyboy

310

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 10:35:24 GMT

Did aerobics the last 2 days with the TV plastic people.

Mensa

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 11:22:07 GMT

Did you know you can get into Mensa (www.mensa.org) with an
SAT score of 1250 or higher?

and, they take PSAT scores too, and a bunch of other scores... ACT, etc.

I scored 1180 on my SAT, and I know I have my PSAT score lying around here somewhere....

In fact, I think I aced one of those brainchild tests in the first grade... how would I look THAT up? O_o

Also, it looks to me like a person could study the types of questions they ask and it wouldn't be THAT hard to master the actual Mensa test.

However, I haven't found a job yet where they pay you any more if you are in Mensa, so c'est la vie.

312

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 10:44:29 GMT

Holy Moses

3pm

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 22:13:40 GMT

okay, here's my starting point for this endeavour.

10 burpees
10 pushups
20 crunches

not eating anything after 2pm.

okay, tired of being a fatass

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 01:32:34 GMT

Alright, I am tired of being a fatass

back to the exercise and eating programs, starting monday.

blah

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 04:44:43 GMT

blah blah blah

2004 BMW 330 CI

Sun, 27 Jun 2004 17:19:25 GMT

That's my ride for the day as we go up to the Crater Lake area. There are a lot of other cool places around Crater Lake that mostly only the locals know about, so we may not actually make it to the lake.

I am pimpin' today.

May even grab a couple caches up there. We'll see, as I am not taking this ride off the hardtop.

214.5

Thu, 24 Jun 2004 01:48:22 GMT

214.5

316

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 13:52:34 GMT

Hopefully, Iran will learn from the errors of Afghanistan and Iraq, and the United States will not have to go in and physically dismantle their terror bases and weapons of mass destruction. Because, as you may not have yet realized, The United States now has Iran surrounded.

Pffflt!

Tue, 18 May 2004 01:01:53 GMT

216,

2,500,

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 15:11:42 GMT

Here's to rooting for Big John Daly.

308.5

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 15:02:18 GMT

308.5

wingferret

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 23:32:51 GMT

Much better than a Wingman or a Wingdog or Wingdawg, I have the world's first Wingferret. Let's see how long it takes google to find that one.

309.5

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 14:02:20 GMT

309.5

308.5

Fri, 13 Feb 2004 11:39:39 GMT

308.5